“Daddy Daddy” can’t remember the last time I called out
those words, seems so faint in my memory now. Well I once had a father like
every other kid; he was a gentleman, quiet, reserved, friendly, kind and a
giver, a perfect role model for any kid. I always thought i wanted to be like
him when I grew up, but fate had other plans in store for us because he never
got to see me grow into the man I am today.
He died and with him went our financial security and the
protection and guidance a father gives.
How I miss him even though I can hardly remember his face now, he
doesn’t come to visit me in my dreams like he used to when I was younger.
Growing up without a father was hard he wasn’t there to see me through the
developmental stage of my life both physical and mental. I remember how scared
my mum and I were when I developed nuts in my chest which happens to boys
during puberty after which the boys are able to produce sperm, both of us
didn’t know this, I had to be rushed to the hospital where when we finally met
the doctor he just smiled and said “ma your son is becoming a man”. So much
more I had to figure out on my own some I was too embarrassed to tell my mum
about.
Growing up I usually felt pain in my heart when my friends
had conversations about their dads; I was always on the outside with nothing to contribute.
Then I would go and cry all alone in a corner blaming God for taking him away
from me, my father for dying and not fighting enough to stay alive, but I
always knew deep down it wasn’t his fault he loved his kids and it was every
man’s dream to see his children grow, what happened was just fate and it was
beyond his control.
In his absence I’ve had to grow into a man quickly so as to takeup his responsibility has
the head of the family, I’m always left wondering what he thinks about me now,
Is he proud of me? I’ve I done well? I’ve tried to model myself into the memory
of the man I can remember he was, in my mind I want to believe he is, that I
have done well for a boy “WITHOUT AFATHER”
Thank you for reading, God bless you!
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